So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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