if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
