I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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