NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
