I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
