Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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