Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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