I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
