I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
