All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize