i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
