so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
