The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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