fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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