whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
