Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
one two three fourrrrnication!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
