it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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