No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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