Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
