I'm sorry my penis didn't work
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
