how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
