I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
