he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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