He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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