oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I will be naked everywhere
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
