There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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