Got a toothbrush?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
