so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
