I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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