I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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