Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
