I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
