you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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