i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
