Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just invented taco cereal.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
