And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
