I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
