im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Are we still banned from the library?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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