worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
