i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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