i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
