if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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