last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
