i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
