Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
