All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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