Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
