it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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