If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
