What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
